


evolution of touching

by marina_rocher



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:44:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marina_rocher/pseuds/marina_rocher
Summary: He remembers the days when he would forget that he could touch Phil.





	evolution of touching

He remembers the days when he would forget that he could touch Phil. Long hours of filming in preparation for the holidays, video after video, taking one sweater and putting on the other, making sure it’s not too obvious they’re pre-recording it.

It wasn’t an agreement, they never actually discussed it, but their lives have been so intertwined with this very public thing that they’d been doing that Dan stopped feeling this itch altogether.

Before the hardest thing was to keep his hands off Phil, to edit out the really good parts just because of that one subconscious movement, the hand on his neck, Phil’s forehead pressed to his shoulder in a fake annoyance.

Now, the hardest thing to do is to not feel guilty or scared, so fucking scared, that his fingers become stiff. Almost as if he’s trying too hard. They’re gonna think they’re doing it on purpose.

Phil is so much better at it. It seems like he’s been finally released from the chains of dangerous public opinion, and now his palms dance around Dan all the time, they rest on his cheeks, his hair, even his thigh at times. No one can see it, of course, they don’t, but before, it seemed so likely. They’d delete every revealing blooper or a careless move, a rare kiss. They’d wipe it all out, off the computer, the hard drive, the cloud.

Are they becoming more restless now? There’s a file sitting on Dan’s desktop, twenty-three seconds of shameless flirting as they come up with the lamest jokes and laugh at each other. It’s such a blissful moment, and it’s right there, protected only by the password on his laptop. It’s scary but Dan also wishes they’d kept more over the years. All those tender moments, whenever Phil glided his palm along Dan’s waist while moving around the kitchen, whenever Dan ruffled his hair and bit his lip, so obviously painfully in love.

The touches were rare even off camera then. What if? Their webcams always taped over, their voices always low when discussing something more private than whether they should get white or red wine for friends. Their bodies adjusted to not being aligned all the time.

There’s nothing as natural and stressful as being on camera with Phil. But it’s that type of natural that’s not entirely truthful. He feels how his chest widens with all the air it can now accept. So much easier. To just smile, and look, and touch, and say silly things, and even edit. “No, it’s cute, let’s keep it. Do you mind?” They stopped asking each other that as well. They do share one mind.

Phil leaves blinds open one night and they can see the yellow lights from the windows across the road. Dan can even see a man cooking something and waving his hands and a woman sitting on a counter next to him. Can someone see them too? Maybe they do. Or maybe they don’t. Either way, he won’t deny himself the pleasure of resting his head on Phil’s chest and kissing his cheek.


End file.
